5 + 2 = 7

Seven. That's right. That's the total number of Saturday night Orthodox mass attendees at the Lewisburg Grange Hall. And that's including me and Erin.

So, you guessed it... This week we attended the local Orthodox Church (as in the Orthodox that split away from the Catholics (depending on your historical account), not Jewish Orthodox). We walked into the Grange Hall and were immediately welcomed whole-heartedly by some of the congregants who were super excited to have visitors. We walked upstairs, and I was overpowered by the scent of incense. The room was elaborate and beautiful! I felt like I was transported to Turkey! The gold wall decorations, including many Jesus images, the Persian rugs, the stage altar with different Jesus/Theotokos (Mother Mary) images.... It was all so sureal that this church could exist just outside of Corvallis!

We spoke briefly with the "reader" (aka that dude with a very long beard who reads bible passages in tri-toned voice) and he gave us a pamphlet of what to expect. It didn't help. Experiencing it is the only way!!!!

In college, I studied religion. My senior seminar professor, was a Greek Orthodox Priest. As part of learning about religions, we had to do a brief phenonemology of an excerpt of the Divine Liturgy. This was my only experience relating to this religion beforehand. I remember being totally confused about what was happening everytime we watched the video for class. Experiencing it in person does not help at all. It was like watching a magic show! And you have to stand for 2 hours... So, here's what I saw: The whole mass is done a capella by a small group of singers and in English. The priest stands before the worshippers and does a whole lot of incensing many, many times. The worshippers cross themselves many, many times and follow each cross with a modified version of prostration. All women cover their heads. Once in a while the priest will sing/read from the text, but it is usually the tri-toned reader. The lights go on and off multiple times to evoke feelings related to the moment within the service. Some more incensing, lots and lots of singing. Two hours of this for the Saturday night mass, the start of the Sabbath, and it is still not finished!!! I thought I had it bad having to go to synagogue... Way worse! (Read any David Sedaris story on Greek Orthodox family members for more humorous accounts of following a different calendar year.)

The congregation was mostly older folks, mostly converts who were probably looking for a more intense religious experience. There was one small girl who was asleep half the time. I don't blame her. This is a dying religion, I think, which can probably be attributed to the fact that the service is so long! Why get God in 6 hours a week when you can go to a megachurch and get saved with only half an hour a week? I think that this shows not only the Orthodox inability to get with the times, but also our culture's lack of appreciation for all things slow (including but not limited to salvation). Mostly I think it's a shame because I love the elaborate gaudiness of the church. It's nice to know the church still got it!