Yippie-kai-yo-kai-yeh.

Erin and I finally visited the pseudo-impromptu cowboy church at the fairgrounds this Thursday. We were greeted by several large men in cowboy hats and cowboy boots and they promised us that we would really enjoy the service. We sat down behind a young man wearing a cowboy hat and and bright orange wranglers shirt with wranglers jeans. But that's not all... There was also a smattering of some Walmart culture, which may have been the most entertaining.

So they started off the service with a welcome to all the newbies. As soon as the rockin' band started playing church songs, a large man sitting near us opened a can of pop, which he had resting in a koozie. There were three large ladies who had brought their own lawn chairs because the hard plastic seats weren't lazy enough. I think Erin and I pointed out all of the visitors wearing velcro shoes- which she gazed at admiringly. Why is it that cowboy culture has somehow become connected with Walmart culture? Is it because they are major republican stongholds and maybe see themselves as underrepresented or underpriveleged? Maybe cowboy church is like a Nascar event where two cultures with a love for pop and sunburn find peace and happiness in the world?

Back to the service. What I expected to be hokey turned out to be the best church music thus far! There were 4 guitarists, a keyboardist, a bongo drum player and a drummer playing on an electronic drumset. One guitarist, whom Erin aptly nicknamed the Muppet lady due to her uncanny resemblence to a Muppet, sang some really beautiful songs, and this other guitarist was also a really good sliude guitar player. It was like a country rock'n'roll concert from the 50s. That was, by far, the best 30 minutes inside the oversized gymnasium.

And then the preaching started. And then I got nauseaus and thought I was going to pass out. Which was good because I had to get up and leave for a few minutes, which cut out some time from listening to the, thus far, most ignorant rant against non-Jesus lovers. The preacher deemed this "bible study," which I take a great deal of disagreement with because; a) I didn't have a bible, b) I'm not sure he actually even read a passage directly from the bible without distorting, I mean paraphrasing, it, and c) what were we even studying? I'm so confused.

The preacher basically spent an hour preaching about how only people who have accepted Jesus into their lives will be saved. He had us repeat an oath affirming the almighty presence and holiness of Jesus, which I didn't partake in, and when he asked us if anyone didn't believe the oath, I felt like standing up and shouting, "ME! I'm a Jew! Haha! I fooled you!" But I sat quietly in my chair just observing. The preacher would occasionally glance down at his watch, and I wasn't sure if he was buying time by spewing out words to fill the space or if he was genuinely concerned that we wouldn't get to hear all of the wonderful sermon he had in store for us. Either way, there's one word I would use to describe his sermon: logorrhea.