Can I get a witness?

Here goes this weekends accounts on religion:

Friday
EK: Lauren, what church should we go to?
Me: I don't know. Where do you want to go?
EK: How about the Jehovah's Witnesses?
Me: Yeah. That sounds good.

Saturday
A knock on our door. EK answers and chats to a strange visitor. Post coversation,
Me: Who was that?
EK: A Jehovah's Witness. It was his easiest sell.

Moral of the story, God wanted us to visit with the Jehovah's Witnesses today.

We entered the senior center (where they are temporarily holding services) and were approached by two very awkward men, including our Saturday visitor. They tried to find seats for us, and upon the suggestion that we sit in the front, I suggested we set up seats at the back of the room. Mostly for an easy escape route, especially after they told us we would do a bible study for over an hour. Argh.

My first impressions of the service were mostly that I felt like this reminds me of the movie Jesus Camp. It brought a whole new light to the term "Bible Thumpers." Every thought from the sermon was supported by a passage from the bible. This was my first time taking such a close look at the bible, but it was a quick tour through, as we were constantly turning pages, trying to figure out where, exactly, the Book of Matthew might be found. Before or after Exodus?

The population was also interesting to observe. Couples pray arm in arm. Almost all of the women were extremely overweight. Weirdest of all, all the men had these black suitcases that they kept handy. They must have all of their sell material in there. Or something?

Some things I learned about the JW's:
1) They LOVE the image of Jesus being a shepard. They love the image of us being sheep needing guidance. Do not stray.
2) There are a lot of options for sex/sexual curiosity/sexual gratification. All but one are wrong: sex in marriage RULES! Do not stray, fine young sheep. Don't be tempted by TV, movies, or things you happen upon while on the interwebs.
3) The devil will slap you. That's right. Avoid the slap from satan. Is that actually code for masturbation? All I know is that I almost died of laughter with the image of satan slapping me.
4) Jehovah's Witness men are awkward.
5) Our witness will probably come back to our house over and over again, until, as he said, it's like having tea with a friend. NOO!!!!!!